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14 August 2006 @ 11:15 pm
super angsty time...  
I'm so sick of being teased at work about going to catholic school, going to church, overall just associating with religion. this one guy keeps asking me if he can be my personal jesus "the one you share your secrets and prayers with" It's so frustrating.

I hate living with annie because she's so angry and hostile all the time when she's got no reason at all to be so. She yells at everyone for the slightest things and it really has to stop or i'm gonna just lay into her. my grandma even had a talk with her today about it and told her that she needed to stop being so angry at everyone all the time.

I hate it how my parents think that annie and i appreciate being left with various relatives while they go on vacation all over the world. I don't know why they can't just leave us home alone, especially now that I can drive and everything. It would be good for all of us to know that i'm not an almighty failure as my mother would like to believe, as my sister does believe and my dad doesnt want to believe; that i can actually do something right for once.

I hate how death and sickness and destruction are everywhere. All of that darkness is pressing in on me from all sides. It's suffocating me. I can't stand it anymore. I don't know why people can't leave well enough alone. I don't know why my parents don't think that i need to know that my aunt is so close to dying. They don't think i need to know that the form of chemo she is on is only 60% effective and that the cancer is in all of her major organs except her brain. I hate how it's been 8 years almost to the day since my grandpa died and I can remember it like yesterday, how he looked with tubes coming out of his arms and face and legs, but i can't remember how he looked before the cancer got him too. I hate that I remember that my mother wouldn't come wake us up the night he died. he wanted to see his granddaughters again before he died, but my mother wouldn't drive the 3/4 miles home to get us, he died 3 hours later. I hate it how many of my friends feel sad and lonely and depressed, and how there isn't anything i can really do

I hate how I'm rambling to all of you on a stupid internet weblog. how i can't express myself outloud to anyone and how i've been telling people i've been fine and now have burdened you all with this super lengthy post of angsty-ness

I think i'm done for now...i don't know
 
 
Where in ROR are you?: home, where else
I am: sadsad
Dancing to: t.v.
 
 
 
Draculesti: Sam's feetdragons_lament on August 15th, 2006 10:49 pm (UTC)
This is the kind of thing stupid internet weblogs are for. Don't feel bad about that.

And I'd suggest reading a poem you sent me freshman year. I hope that helps.
leaping_lizrdsleaping_lizrds on August 16th, 2006 01:40 am (UTC)
I don't know which poem you're talking about....if you've got it, send it to me, I'd like to read it.
Draculestidragons_lament on August 16th, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile...
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
leaping_lizrdsleaping_lizrds on August 16th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC)
oh yeah, i love this poem. For those of you who don't know it's called "The Dash" (in case you didn't guess)

Thanks for bringing it back to my attention.
Draculesti: Sunsetdragons_lament on August 16th, 2006 02:56 am (UTC)
Yep.

Hope it helps.

You can call me if you need to talk to someone.

Just so you know.