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14 August 2006 @ 11:15 pm
super angsty time...  
I'm so sick of being teased at work about going to catholic school, going to church, overall just associating with religion. this one guy keeps asking me if he can be my personal jesus "the one you share your secrets and prayers with" It's so frustrating.

I hate living with annie because she's so angry and hostile all the time when she's got no reason at all to be so. She yells at everyone for the slightest things and it really has to stop or i'm gonna just lay into her. my grandma even had a talk with her today about it and told her that she needed to stop being so angry at everyone all the time.

I hate it how my parents think that annie and i appreciate being left with various relatives while they go on vacation all over the world. I don't know why they can't just leave us home alone, especially now that I can drive and everything. It would be good for all of us to know that i'm not an almighty failure as my mother would like to believe, as my sister does believe and my dad doesnt want to believe; that i can actually do something right for once.

I hate how death and sickness and destruction are everywhere. All of that darkness is pressing in on me from all sides. It's suffocating me. I can't stand it anymore. I don't know why people can't leave well enough alone. I don't know why my parents don't think that i need to know that my aunt is so close to dying. They don't think i need to know that the form of chemo she is on is only 60% effective and that the cancer is in all of her major organs except her brain. I hate how it's been 8 years almost to the day since my grandpa died and I can remember it like yesterday, how he looked with tubes coming out of his arms and face and legs, but i can't remember how he looked before the cancer got him too. I hate that I remember that my mother wouldn't come wake us up the night he died. he wanted to see his granddaughters again before he died, but my mother wouldn't drive the 3/4 miles home to get us, he died 3 hours later. I hate it how many of my friends feel sad and lonely and depressed, and how there isn't anything i can really do

I hate how I'm rambling to all of you on a stupid internet weblog. how i can't express myself outloud to anyone and how i've been telling people i've been fine and now have burdened you all with this super lengthy post of angsty-ness

I think i'm done for now...i don't know
Where in ROR are you?: home, where else
I am: sadsad
Dancing to: t.v.
Loki: trappedsnap_dragon22 on August 16th, 2006 01:53 am (UTC)
Oh, lovey. I totally understand (almost) everything you are saying. I love you so much, and you know that. I have been through hell and back this summer, and if you ever feel like you can't deal with it anymore on your own, you know where to find me. I can help. Even if it is just someone to listen to you. And to make sure you don't feel alone, and like you can't do anything to help. More often than not, just telling the friends that need it that you are still there for them is the best thing in the world.

But seriously lovey, if you ever are feeling NOT fine, I'm here for you. If you ever need to just call me or something, and be like 'Paula, I'm not fine.' and I'll come over or find you and bring you chocolate and hugs and whatever you need.

Baby, I don't like seeing you sad. I'm not quite a therapist, but close...and I'm free! (wow...thats dirty...)

Love you much my one and only Coooties!